Selfishness Or Self-reliance?

Been running my whole life but

now wanting to stop,
Is it selfishness or self-reliance?

After being broken for so long yet again choosing the road full of misery for nothing but an outcome in which i feel content,
Is it selfishness or self-reliance?

Always trying to escape the petty  dungeons of conversations but
now choosing to pretend,
Is it selfishness or self-reliance?

Been angry with myself since a long time but now choosing the profound fascination of my insecurities over it,
Is it selfishness or self-reliance?

Was stupid enough to feel like my
whole world would end by the  
simplest of rejections but
now choosing my own ending anyway,
Is it selfishness or self-reliance?

Waited for somebody who'd make sense to me but now choosing to hold back for someone who gets a little jovial when it comes to the senseless things the world has to offer; I just can't help but wonder-
Is it selfishness or self-reliance?